


Anastasia: A Novelization

by EloraMaxwell



Category: Anastasia (1956), Anastasia (1997), Anastasia - Flaherty/Ahrens/McNally
Genre: Broadway, Musical
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:09:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 21,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24050362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EloraMaxwell/pseuds/EloraMaxwell
Summary: Based upon the history and mystery behind the lost Romanov princess, this novelization takes aspects from the history and the story you've come to know and creates a wide and sweeping romance following orphan Anya on a journey to her past to discover who she truly is and who she wants to be.*Based on the Anastasia films (1956, 1997), and the Broadway musical
Relationships: Anya | Anastasia Romanov/Gleb Vaganov, Dimitri | Dmitry/Anya | Anastasia Romanov (Anastasia 1997 & Broadway)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	1. Rumor In St. Petersburg

The shadows return as they often do at night. I stand as if in a trance arm in arm with three girls beside me. Laughing and giggling we skip down a dark hallway towards the end where a small light peaks from the cracks in a door. It's all so familiar and real. It all disappears and in its place a large room with whirling couples in white. The spirits spin around me in a blur looking down I myself am dressed in a gown I could never truly own. A man reaches for my hand and then it all it delves into the horror. Screams engulf me and the flames follow. "Paris." The whisper is the only thing to take away. There's a shot and I shudder in on myself.

"Anya!" I feel the shake of someone pushing on my shoulder. I wake the same way I always do. I'm panicked, though I can't quite remember why. "You were screaming in your sleep again." The whisper comes from Natasha, there really is no reason to whisper I'd awakened the whole floor. 

"I'm sorry it just happens." She sits herself on the edge of my bed as I sit up. 

"Do you remember anything this time... besides..."

"Besides Paris?" I shake my head and push back the covers. "You know I never do." I shove my feet into my shoes and leave her there. I hate being so cold to her. She was, after all, helping me stay in this house with the other women, and she may be gone any day. She'd made plans to get out long ago and it was becoming more and more evident that the inevitable was coming to be true. My only friend I'd made may be gone when I returned this evening. I sigh and roll my eyes It's just not remembering seconds after the fact is straining especially with all this nonsense of the youngest Romanov princess surviving. How anyone could or would want to believe something like that is beyond me. I shove my fingers deep into my pockets as I enter the cold morning of Leningrad.

I'm quickly engulfed by the ever present crowds of people looking for work, looking for food. I was a lucky one. I'd been here just under three months and already had a job and a place to stay. I'd arrived nearly dead on the street after walking three months with minimal nuritiousment. I had collapsed on a side street unable to move any further. I was found a few minutes later by a Bolshevik General. Gleb had carried me to his own office where I was given food and hot tea. I'd been offered a job in the Soviet office, but I will never work for their kind, no matter how desperate I may become. Despite his obvious disappointment he was kind enough to help me get my job and find Ms. Bartok's home to stay.

I often saw the general on the streets as I swept but he never approached me again. I watched nearly everyday as he and his men executed or took rumored traitors away. His good deed towards me to prove to himself that his cause is just was the only one he needed evidently. Even now as I keep my head down to my work I see him wandering through the thinning crowd. All the whispers of the lost monarchy have slowly ebbed back into the silence I've come accustomed to here. "I need to get to out of here." I whisper to myself as I look at the dull grayness of it all. One wrong word could spell the end of a life here in Leningrad.

I take a deep breath and begin to sweep again. The only way out of here is with money and the only way to get money was to work. I lock myself away to my own work not paying much mind to anything else. I'm able to do this for the majority of my day. It had never cost me before but today it would. There's a loud pop behind me awakening me from my inner palace. I throw myself to the ground covering my head. I feel myself shake and even though no more shots follow I lay with my arms covering my head. I open my eyes as the regular sounds of the streets fill my ears. Peeking out I see a black boot. Looking up I stare right into the eyes of a cold stranger. He yanks me to my feet and latches onto my arm. He begins to question me but I can't respond to him because my ears have begun to ring with gunfire again. In another moment there's a steadying hand on my shoulder. "It was just a car backfiring comrade. That's all it was. Those days are over, neighbor against neighbor." Gleb had come to my rescue yet again. He signals his compatriots to leave. With a salute my accuser turns on his heal back into the crowd. Gleb turns back to me, "There's nothing to be afraid of anymore." He touches my arm lightly, "You're shaking. There's a tea shop just steps from here. Let me-."

I cut him off my heart beating fast. Frankly I'm terrified. I try to answer but no sound comes out so I look down and try to reach for my broom on the floor. He steps on it ever so lightly. "What's your hurry?" He asks, there's no threat to it, but being questioned by any man in his uniform was cause for alarm these days.

I continue to look down, not wanting to make eye contact. "I can't lose this job, they're not easy to come by." It takes a moment but he moves his foot off. I stand wanting to move away quickly but I lift my eyes to meet his just once. "Thank you." I say as I quickly walk away.

"I'm here everyday." He yells after me, but he knows I knew that. 

"I have to get out of here." I whisper to myself again making myself sprint down the street as soon as I'm out of sight of the square and Gleb's men. I slip into an ally and lean against the building catching my breath. That had been the closest encounter yet, too close. I had no clue who I was or why I was for that matter. My only true reason for being here was so that I could leave the country and I'm sure that wouldn't bode well with a Bolshevik. The train station was on the way to the house, perhaps, just perhaps there might be the slightest opportunity to sneak out. I drop my broom in the ally not caring to return back to work just for a few pieces. I compose myself and shake off the confrontation before smoothing my hair down and normalizing my walking pace. I slip back into the crowd of people returning to their home lives after a long day of work. 

Pushing through the large crowd of people I reach the front booth. It's empty. Men and women stand around some sounding terrified others annoyed. My heart sinks. They'd slowly been closing the borders since I'd started my journey here and this just confirms it... I turn to flee to where I don't know but then I feel a tug on my wrist, I turn expecting a fight but It's Natasha. I see the look on her face and know that we need to leave. She slips an arm over my shoulders and we quietly find our way from the crowd we huddle together out of sight. Once we make sure we're alone we begin to speak. "What happened?" I ask. She looks rather panicked.

"I was going to leave. I was there, I'd hidden myself aboard but then before we could move an entire group of them boarded and started to throw people off... Anya they've closed nearly all the borders."

"You had a way out! You're an honest woman surely you had the papers?" 

"It was all of them. Women and children too."

My hand flies to my mouth. "They didn't..." Fearing the worst I await Natasha's answer.

"They just took them away. There isn't a way out, not anymore." I'd never seen this woman rattled let alone terrified. "They're only letting out special trains now, they get special permission from the top. Anya I'm sorry."

I hold my head up. "You can't be sorry just for me. We will find a way to get out of here."

The sound of boots on the pavement just around the corner silences us and we press ourselves against the wall. The man walks past and out of sight just as the riot sounds from the station travel to where we stand. "My name was on that passenger list, people saw me. I'm going south. There's a group from our house leaving... tonight."

"Where will you go?"

She shrugs. "We're escaping. You can come, once we're out Paris could be real for you."

"It's too risky." I say.

"So is staying here." 

"I can't." South wasn't to Paris, South was towards more red and more suffering. She suddenly stands very tall as if she's a little disappointed. 

"You shouldn't go back to the house tonight Anya. They'll be looking for me there." 

"Where do I go then?"

She smiles gently then. "Paris." She reaches for my left hand thinking for a moment then she has a realization. "There's a man named Dimitri... He's living in the old palace. He's helped friends of mine before if anyone can help you it's him." I nod my head. I had stayed away from the boarded up symbol of freedom the entire time I'd stayed here but terrified as I am I'll take any chance I can. She squeezes my hand once more before disappearing into the shadows. Suddenly I am alone, and though I often am this time It feels different. Looking up the street I can see the tops of the ruined palace towering over the rooftops. I feel drawn to it, for the first time I study the spires and see the beauty and the color of it contrasting against the gray sky.

"Paris." I say stepping out one foot at a time. "Paris."


	2. Dim As An Ember

Even as I slide my way through the fence and past the no trespassing signs I can still hear the unrest behind me. The departure from Natasha has left me a bit shaken. I'd never see her again, I knew that to be true. I try to keep in the shadows the best I can as I cross the royal lawn. As I make it to boarded up walls and windows a light snow starts to fall. The palace is just obvious enough to make for a great place to hide out.

I duck under a low hanging beam and enter a place that once was a palace of splendor. Everything of value had been stripped leaving the grand ballroom bare. I walk up to the railing overlooking the wide space and can imagine a dance, a joyful dance where the duchesses would have spun around in the arms of young men. I feel as if I can almost hear the chatter, see the ballgowns and feel the music around me. 

There's laughter and soon my sisters surround me dabbing me with oils and adorning me with pearls. My happy trance is interrupted by voices, real and frustrated ones. My eyes open and I find myself to be kneeling as if I were bowing, I had found my way down the stairs and into the middle of the grand hall. I pick myself up confused but determined to find the men I'd heard. 

I force myself back up the stairs and looking back over the room I feel a chill down my back. I turn away from it and try to block out the eerie feeling. I hear another voice and then a deep chuckle. Soon I find the source down a hallway. The door is closed but through the keyhole light from a fire gleams and two men sit across from each other scheming. What now? Do I announce myself? Knock? Play a trick on them? I decide to knock which frightens the life out of them for some reason. If I'd meant them any harm I don't believe I would've knocked. Annoyed at the sudden scurrying about I push open the door. Wasting no time I state my business, "I'm looking for a Dimitry." I say scanning the shadows against the walls. Seeing that I mean them no harm and probably noticing how small I am one comes forward... the younger one.

"I'm Dimitry." He steps forward but as I come towards him he crosses his arms leaning back. "What do you want?" What did I want?

"I need exit papers." I say a little too quickly. He's already waved a hand at me turning his back. "And I was told you were the only one who could help me." I reach for his arm to turn him back but he just sits down in the chair he was in earlier. 

"Exit papers are expensive." He says.

"I've saved a little money." I find my pocket and grip the small amount I'd procured along with the gem I'd been found with when I was little. 

"Well the right papers cost a lot." He says a little too rudely for my taste.

I grip the stone tighter. "I'm a hard worker you'll get your money." I do my best not to sound desperate, but after the scene at the station today and after my reunion with Gleb I do feel a little frightened.

He laughs a bit again. "Oh and what is it that you do?"

I actually had just handed over my job today hadn't I? Well he didn't need to know that. "I'm a street sweeper."

He mocks me now. "A street sweeper." He looks across the room to his companion and then laughs again. Getting frustrated I share the previous things I'd done to get this far.

"Before that I washed dishes, before that I worked at the hospital in Perm..."

"Yeah well Perm is a long way from here..." He seems a little more approachable now that he's leaned back against the couch.

"I know... I walked it." 

He finally looks at me without a boyish smile. "You walked here all by yourself?"

Not wanting anymore questions I cut him off. "I had no choice." My voice is soft letting my guard down for one moment.

"Who are you running from?" He asks and then he looks back across to his friend who has finally come into my view. He's definitely older a little heavier too.

I hold my head higher as I answer. "I'm running to someone... Of course I don't know who they are..." Sensing their annoyance I finish quickly. "But they're waiting for me in Paris." I suddenly feel very faint recalling the familiar whisper.

"Oh well you don't need papers for that. You just head right out there jump in the river and start swimming. You'll be in Paris before you know it." He laughs and raises his arms in disbelief. "She's crazy."

"I'm not crazy!" I plead. "Why are you so unkind?" I ask. He doesn't answer but his friend does.

"We were hoping you were someone else." My heart sinks, were they waiting for Natasha? I'm about to mention her when the man continues. "Someone who might not even exist." His statement is cryptic but he looks at me with kind eyes, sad eyes. Suddenly the faintness I feel turns rather quickly into a dizzying feeling. I clutch my chest and focus forward on the shadows. I step backwards and close my eyes mumbling nonsense that I myself can hardly make out.

"She's going to faint on us." Dimitri says from beside me. I'm almost to the end of the hall my hand on the door ready to open it when I feel someone grab my hand."When was the last time you ate?" The kind man guides me to sit on a chair where my vision is broken. I smile it hadn't ended in fire that time. 

"We danced." I say. "There were..." I mumble on calling back to the previous room. I doubt the two were listening but out of kindness Dimitry goes to grab me whatever morcel of food they can spare. When the door shuts with Dimitry's departure I forget all I've seen, it had no place here in this palace. I look back up at my savior. "You seem to be a gentleman." I say leaning back feeling much better. "But your friend is not." It wasn't that I didn't like him it was just that he had annoyed me.

He ignores my second statement. "Gentleman?" He laughs as he settles down to the floor. "I haven't heard that word in a very long time. Most people just call me Vlad" He pauses before continuing. "Life hasn't been easy for my young friend."

That's no excuse. "Life hasn't been easy for anyone." Dimitry has reentered the room now. He hands me a glass of water and then slinks back to the shadows staring with his arms crossed. 

"What's your name dear?" Vlad asks sitting on a sofa facing towards me. 

Looking down at my lap I answer, "I don't know." I look back up at them to see Dimitri laughing again. 

"You don't know?" Dimitry circles behind me and I follow his every move, not wanting to let him off so easy.

"They gave me a name at the hospital... Anya." I smile at the bittersweet memory. I don't look up to see their reactions just continue on with what I do remember from my past. "They said I had amnesia... there was nothing they could do about it." When they don't react just look at me I continue. "They said I was found on the side of the road. It was an unusually cold day towards the end of summer. The first thing I remember was that it was raining, I had been put in a white bed... I can still smell the fresh linen sheets I was in. I awoke to frightened nurses who all were whispering over me not daring to look me in the eyes. They gave me my name... and a hat." I let out a sniff of laughter. I'd lost that hat after that first winter alone. "So I traveled the backroads and tried to stay in the woods... they don't patrol as much through there. So I worked where I could and when I could and slowly made my way here..." I almost resort to mentioning my dreams, a past that could only be considered dark, but I know I can't trust them not with that information of myself. 

"So why Paris?" Dimitri asks leaning forward.

"You don't know what it's like... not to know who you are. I've seen fire and heard the screams of people throughout this country but the one thing that I can truly recall and trust is that answers lay in Paris for me. I know it's hard to explain but it's here." I say holding my hands to my heart. "Paris holds the key for me... it does."

Vlad and Dimitri look at one another. "There's definitely a resemblance Dimitri." Both men stand and walk a few feet closer to me. "Have you heard the rumors about the Duchess Anastasia?"

I shrug my shoulders. "Everyone has... But that's all they are, rumors."

"You know, maybe we can help you after all, Anya..." The mention of the Princess was odd but I wait to hear what he'll say next. "It just so happens we're going to Paris ourselves." He puts his hands on my shoulders steering me out towards the door. He waves Vlad over who hands me a stack of books. "Come back first thing in the morning and we'll discuss our plan... Read this."

"A novel on the royal history?" I read the title of the book on top. You can't possibly believe all this nonsense about the Duchess."

"I don't but this is our only shot to reach Paris... If you don't want in I'm sure we could find someone else..."

"No." I say angling my body so he can't reach the books back. "No I'll be back first thing tomorrow."

Dimitri straightens back up and nods. "Good." With that I'm left out in the dark hallway. I've realized now that I'd be on my own for the night. One more night. I sigh. Natasha had said I shouldn't go back to the house, but reading this out in the open would certainly lead to my arrest. Perhaps I could find a place here somewhere, I could read by the moonlight, and as long as I could stay out of the wind of the outside I'm sure I could remain somewhat warm. The ballroom had the biggest windows that allowed for light and though it was a large room it felt heavy and almost warm. I retrace my steps and sure enough the silver light of night floods onto the floor. There had been much colder nights I had to endure, this would be just fine.

I wrap my coat just a little tighter before sitting on the bottom step of the large staircase. The whole idea of becoming a girl who might be dead seemed too far out there for me, but the thing I want most is to reach Paris. If I must do this to get there than so be it, I would.

Over the next few hours I test myself over the pointless facts and surprisingly they come simply. They're almost familiar to me and when I reach the royal family and see the picture of the Tsar and his family it almost brings me to tears. I can't remember the time they were in power but everything I'd experienced had been in a world where those 5 beautiful children had been murdered, and it hadn't been a kind one. I finally doze off the faces and facts about the royal line flash through my head, this replaces the endless screams I usually see in my dreams.


	3. Suddenly There's A Chance

Even as I slide my way through the fence and past the no trespassing signs I can still hear the unrest behind me. The departure from Natasha has left me a bit shaken. I'd never see her again, I knew that to be true. I try to keep in the shadows the best I can as I cross the royal lawn. As I make it to boarded up walls and windows a light snow starts to fall. The palace is just obvious enough to make for a great place to hide out.

I duck under a low hanging beam and enter a place that once was a palace of splendor. Everything of value had been stripped leaving the grand ballroom bare. I walk up to the railing overlooking the wide space and can imagine a dance, a joyful dance where the duchesses would have spun around in the arms of young men. I feel as if I can almost hear the chatter, see the ballgowns and feel the music around me. 

There's laughter and soon my sisters surround me dabbing me with oils and adorning me with pearls. My happy trance is interrupted by voices, real and frustrated ones. My eyes open and I find myself to be kneeling as if I were bowing, I had found my way down the stairs and into the middle of the grand hall. I pick myself up confused but determined to find the men I'd heard. 

I force myself back up the stairs and looking back over the room I feel a chill down my back. I turn away from it and try to block out the eerie feeling. I hear another voice and then a deep chuckle. Soon I find the source down a hallway. The door is closed but through the keyhole light from a fire gleams and two men sit across from each other scheming. What now? Do I announce myself? Knock? Play a trick on them? I decide to knock which frightens the life out of them for some reason. If I'd meant them any harm I don't believe I would've knocked. Annoyed at the sudden scurrying about I push open the door. Wasting no time I state my business, "I'm looking for a Dimitry." I say scanning the shadows against the walls. Seeing that I mean them no harm and probably noticing how small I am one comes forward... the younger one.

"I'm Dimitry." He steps forward but as I come towards him he crosses his arms leaning back. "What do you want?" What did I want?

"I need exit papers." I say a little too quickly. He's already waved a hand at me turning his back. "And I was told you were the only one who could help me." I reach for his arm to turn him back but he just sits down in the chair he was in earlier. 

"Exit papers are expensive." He says.

"I've saved a little money." I find my pocket and grip the small amount I'd procured along with the gem I'd been found with when I was little. 

"Well the right papers cost a lot." He says a little too rudely for my taste.

I grip the stone tighter. "I'm a hard worker you'll get your money." I do my best not to sound desperate, but after the scene at the station today and after my reunion with Gleb I do feel a little frightened.

He laughs a bit again. "Oh and what is it that you do?"

I actually had just handed over my job today hadn't I? Well he didn't need to know that. "I'm a street sweeper."

He mocks me now. "A street sweeper." He looks across the room to his companion and then laughs again. Getting frustrated I share the previous things I'd done to get this far.

"Before that I washed dishes, before that I worked at the hospital in Perm..."

"Yeah well Perm is a long way from here..." He seems a little more approachable now that he's leaned back against the couch.

"I know... I walked it." 

He finally looks at me without a boyish smile. "You walked here all by yourself?"

Not wanting anymore questions I cut him off. "I had no choice." My voice is soft letting my guard down for one moment.

"Who are you running from?" He asks and then he looks back across to his friend who has finally come into my view. He's definitely older a little heavier too.

I hold my head higher as I answer. "I'm running to someone... Of course I don't know who they are..." Sensing their annoyance I finish quickly. "But they're waiting for me in Paris." I suddenly feel very faint recalling the familiar whisper.

"Oh well you don't need papers for that. You just head right out there jump in the river and start swimming. You'll be in Paris before you know it." He laughs and raises his arms in disbelief. "She's crazy."

"I'm not crazy!" I plead. "Why are you so unkind?" I ask. He doesn't answer but his friend does.

"We were hoping you were someone else." My heart sinks, were they waiting for Natasha? I'm about to mention her when the man continues. "Someone who might not even exist." His statement is cryptic but he looks at me with kind eyes, sad eyes. Suddenly the faintness I feel turns rather quickly into a dizzying feeling. I clutch my chest and focus forward on the shadows. I step backwards and close my eyes mumbling nonsense that I myself can hardly make out.

"She's going to faint on us." Dimitri says from beside me. I'm almost to the end of the hall my hand on the door ready to open it when I feel someone grab my hand."When was the last time you ate?" The kind man guides me to sit on a chair where my vision is broken. I smile it hadn't ended in fire that time. 

"We danced." I say. "There were..." I mumble on calling back to the previous room. I doubt the two were listening but out of kindness Dimitry goes to grab me whatever morcel of food they can spare. When the door shuts with Dimitry's departure I forget all I've seen, it had no place here in this palace. I look back up at my savior. "You seem to be a gentleman." I say leaning back feeling much better. "But your friend is not." It wasn't that I didn't like him it was just that he had annoyed me.

He ignores my second statement. "Gentleman?" He laughs as he settles down to the floor. "I haven't heard that word in a very long time. Most people just call me Vlad" He pauses before continuing. "Life hasn't been easy for my young friend."

That's no excuse. "Life hasn't been easy for anyone." Dimitry has reentered the room now. He hands me a glass of water and then slinks back to the shadows staring with his arms crossed. 

"What's your name dear?" Vlad asks sitting on a sofa facing towards me. 

Looking down at my lap I answer, "I don't know." I look back up at them to see Dimitri laughing again. 

"You don't know?" Dimitry circles behind me and I follow his every move, not wanting to let him off so easy.

"They gave me a name at the hospital... Anya." I smile at the bittersweet memory. I don't look up to see their reactions just continue on with what I do remember from my past. "They said I had amnesia... there was nothing they could do about it." When they don't react just look at me I continue. "They said I was found on the side of the road. It was an unusually cold day towards the end of summer. The first thing I remember was that it was raining, I had been put in a white bed... I can still smell the fresh linen sheets I was in. I awoke to frightened nurses who all were whispering over me not daring to look me in the eyes. They gave me my name... and a hat." I let out a sniff of laughter. I'd lost that hat after that first winter alone. "So I traveled the backroads and tried to stay in the woods... they don't patrol as much through there. So I worked where I could and when I could and slowly made my way here..." I almost resort to mentioning my dreams, a past that could only be considered dark, but I know I can't trust them not with that information of myself. 

"So why Paris?" Dimitri asks leaning forward.

"You don't know what it's like... not to know who you are. I've seen fire and heard the screams of people throughout this country but the one thing that I can truly recall and trust is that answers lay in Paris for me. I know it's hard to explain but it's here." I say holding my hands to my heart. "Paris holds the key for me... it does."

Vlad and Dimitri look at one another. "There's definitely a resemblance Dimitri." Both men stand and walk a few feet closer to me. "Have you heard the rumors about the Duchess Anastasia?"

I shrug my shoulders. "Everyone has... But that's all they are, rumors."

"You know, maybe we can help you after all, Anya..." The mention of the Princess was odd but I wait to hear what he'll say next. "It just so happens we're going to Paris ourselves." He puts his hands on my shoulders steering me out towards the door. He waves Vlad over who hands me a stack of books. "Come back first thing in the morning and we'll discuss our plan... Read this."

"A novel on the royal history?" I read the title of the book on top. You can't possibly believe all this nonsense about the Duchess."

"I don't but this is our only shot to reach Paris... If you don't want in I'm sure we could find someone else..."

"No." I say angling my body so he can't reach the books back. "No I'll be back first thing tomorrow."

Dimitri straightens back up and nods. "Good." With that I'm left out in the dark hallway. I've realized now that I'd be on my own for the night. One more night. I sigh. Natasha had said I shouldn't go back to the house, but reading this out in the open would certainly lead to my arrest. Perhaps I could find a place here somewhere, I could read by the moonlight, and as long as I could stay out of the wind of the outside I'm sure I could remain somewhat warm. The ballroom had the biggest windows that allowed for light and though it was a large room it felt heavy and almost warm. I retrace my steps and sure enough the silver light of night floods onto the floor. There had been much colder nights I had to endure, this would be just fine.

I wrap my coat just a little tighter before sitting on the bottom step of the large staircase. The whole idea of becoming a girl who might be dead seemed too far out there for me, but the thing I want most is to reach Paris. If I must do this to get there than so be it, I would.

Over the next few hours I test myself over the pointless facts and surprisingly they come simply. They're almost familiar to me and when I reach the royal family and see the picture of the Tsar and his family it almost brings me to tears. I can't remember the time they were in power but everything I'd experienced had been in a world where those 5 beautiful children had been murdered, and it hadn't been a kind one. I finally doze off the faces and facts about the royal line flash through my head, this replaces the endless screams I usually see in my dreams.


	4. The Neva Flows

I keep my head low as I pass through the crowded evening streets of St. Petersburg. I pass the train station in record time noticing just how empty it is. They were canceling trains left and right if we didn't get a move on soon we'd have to find a different way. I think of Natasha wondering if I would be forced to do the same as her someday. I shake off the idea picking up my pace as I turn the corner onto my street.

I should have noticed something was off. No one was outside, no one was at the door. I didn't see the familiar faces in the windows either. I freeze turning realizing they'd most likely been called to attention by a government official. I haven't gotten two feet forward before I'm stopped by two uniformed men. "Ms..." I try to keep my breathing even and my shakes at bay. 

"Anya." I say looking down. There is no warning before the two grab me by the arms. 

"If you'll please accompany us."

"What are the charges?" I ask calmly. They don't warrent me a single word. I become more frantic now as we end the street. "Please, what are the charges!" I can already feel the helpless panic coming on, much like I felt when I was trying so hard to remember my past. I scan my brain for any infringment anything I might have said... Of course someone had found out that I had been in the palace for the past two days. This just might be the end for me. I look up at the sky as I'm dragged along hopping for a guardian angel. 

I'm taken into the building on the square I'd stared at for months while working the streets below, where I often saw Gleb walk in and out from. I'm forcefully dragged onto the lift and we go up three floors. I'm taken into another room a man looks out a window and I'm finally let go of.

"It's a remarkable city our Leningrad... all those people coming and going creating their futures. I stand at this window for hours admiring them... including you. You know I can even see down to the old palace. Funny business going on there..." The voice had settled me, or had it frightened me more? It was Gleb I could see that now. When he turns I can see that he's just a little surprised, but he keeps his composure.

"Why was I brought here?" I ask holding my head up higher.

"Perhaps you could tell me?"

"I've done nothing wrong."

He stops the the demands, "I'm happy to see you again Anya."

"What's the charge." I ask again.

"There's no charge. Should there be? Life has been good to you? You have a job, food on the table, your own place." Well I had a job, and even with it I had rarely had food, and my own place was that of 24 other strangers.

"And I'm very thankful." I answer, catching myself before I can complain.

"Which is why I'm warning you to leave your world of make believe before it's too late!" I knew it. Someone had seen me. My mind turns to Dimitri and Vlad. What would become of them if they were found?

"I don't think I understand." Trying to play the confused girl for as long as possible.

He turns back to the window inviting me to join him. Reluctantly I do. "The legitimacy of this government must not be challenged. Even by a street sweeper." He's motioned down to the people on the streets. "If you really are who you're pretending to be they would kill you without hesitation." He waits for me to look at him before he continues. "But since you're not lets be friends shall we Anya? I am a deputy commissioner, but you already know that. Please sit." He steps back to his desk and pulls out a chair for myself. 

Knowing the gig is up I answer, "Everyone imagines being someone else. I'm no different. It's harmless." I shrug my shoulders trying to persuade him that it truly didn't mean all that much to me.

"No it's dangerous!" He says almost losing his temper. "Look at who you are, and be thankful. Look to the future of our beloved Russia not its heated past. It's beautiful, strong, young. Just as you are Anya." The way he looks at me now makes me feel uncomfortable. How dare he make such comments to me when it was his own family that helped to bring this oppressive government into the world. He continues on explaining that I shouldn't be alone. How I should get involved with the government, that a life in here would be much better than out there. After he offers me tea, I insist that I must be going back home to help a friend who was sick.

"Always in a hurry?" He asks intrigued. I get up to leave.

"Thank you for your warning comrade."

"It's Gleb. Please." He holds up a hand to stop me. "I hope we haven't seen the last of each other." He stands and then approaches me with an outstretched hand. He holds on a beat too long, "You're eyes, a man can look right into them." He realizes what he says and quickly steps away. "Be careful comrade they'll give you away."

"May I go." I whisper unsure how to handle the comment.

"Have I made myself clear?" He asks standing straight and finally letting go of my hand.

"Well yes thank you."

"Then we are done for today." The way he emphasized 'today' makes me want to leave the country today and never come back. As soon as the words leave his mouth I turn quickly and take the lift back down. I need to find Dimitri as soon as possible and warn him of everything I'd been told.

I'm escorted back out of the building by the same guards that brought me in. They give me a little shove back onto the street and once they've retreated back inside I back away very slowly and then turn to run down the street. I've only made it by two buildings when someone grabs me by the torso and sweeps me into the ally.


	5. A Song Someone Sings

Shaking and frightened I strike out with my fists but they're stopped by stronger hands. I hear a familiar voice trying to calm me. I open my eyes to a concerned Dimitry. I surprise him by stopping my fight and wrapping him in a hug. To my surprise he returns the favor but there's comfort to it. He cradles my head to his chest for a moment, letting me force back my tears. "Anya what happened? What did they do to you?"

I pull away from him remembering the danger we're all in now. "We need to get out..."

"Anya..."

"They're going to the palace..."

"Anya..."

"They know what we're doing..."

"Anya..." He shakes me slightly. "I know. Vlad got out the back as they were going in." He met me at the station and then we saw you being dragged down the sidewalk. We thought for sure that you were a goner... You must be an even better actress than I thought if you were able to talk your way out of that."

"It's not that..." I say.

"Then what is it?"

I look out to the street not trusting the ears of anyone anymore. "It's a long story."

"We're going to meet Vlad to discuss what our next move is. Tell me on the way." He wraps an arm around my shoulder and then we go deeper into the ally to travel behind the buildings, in the shadows.

I tell him now. Everything since I'd reached St. Petersburg. How I'd nearly died on the street from starving and how Gleb had taken me in and gotten me a job. All about the day with the car backfire and the conversation with him today. By the end of my story I had calmed down but we were approaching a group of rowdy men sitting around a barrel fire. I hold onto him a little tighter as we start to walk by. One man steps into our path calling on Dimitry.

"Come on Dimitry. I don't like these people." I latch onto his hand and pull away but a man sitting had insulted both of us already and now there was no pulling him back. One makes a snide remark about me being his Tsarina and that makes me let go of Dimitry. I turn right into the presence of another man gone with drink. I turn the other way and find we've been cornered. Someone shoves Dimitry back and then one reaches for my skirts. I take a hard step back. Dimitry shoves that man away from me but then he's punched across the face causing him to stagger a few steps to the left. Someone yanks my left upper arm so I'm face to face with a bigger man I try to pull away but he just pulls me closer.

"Don't touch her!" Dimitry yells. I turn my head and see that he's preoccupied with two men holding him back.

"If she's too much trouble for you Dimitry. I'd be glad to take her off your hands." He leans in as if he's going to kiss me. This gives Dimitry the flame needed to throw off his two assailants. I'd been in a situation similar to this before, a knee to the crotch and a claw across the face worked last time. Following the same steps i'd done before is enough to shake his grasp from me. I grab a hot stick from the fire and poke at him. The metal is hot but the other end glows red. This scares my assailant off. Turning I see that Dimitri has taken on his two guys successfully injuring one and scaring off the other. The last one yells that we're both crazy and as I start to approach him with my flaming metal he turns and flees. I start to run after him nobody calls me crazy and gets away... Dimitry catches me though. Finally realizing how hot the metal is I drop it to the frozen ground.

Dimitri helps me to the makeshift bench the men had been sitting on and goes away for a moment. He reappears with a handful of snow which he packs onto the palm of my hand. It's cold for sure but it numbs the burning. "Thanks." I say relaxing back finally.

"How... Where..." He looks confused but also very impressed at the same time. "Where did you learn... whatever that was." He finally sits down next to me when he gets the question out. I give him a smug grin.

"I told you that I walked here." We sit in silence for a moment. He doesn't ask me further questions and I'm thankful for that. "There has to be more to life than just surviving it."

"Once upon a time maybe." He leans forward contemplating. "It's always life or death out there now Anya."

"Is that why you act so tough?" I say flicking the rest of the cold moisture from my hands and leaning forward elbows on my knees willing him to tell his story.

"I am tough." He shrugs his shoulders. "I wouldn't be standing here if I weren't. I grew up on the streets of this city. I've never left it." He stops for a moment. "I want to show you something." He stands suddenly and reaches out a hand to me. I take it without hesitation. He leads me to the side of a building where there's a ladder. He lets me go up first and follows close behind. Once we're up he leads me to the edge and we're able to look down over the city. Though it had been dimmed by the red shadow it still had a beautiful glow of its former self. We sit along the edge and Dimitri starts to delve into his history.

"I've lived here all my life, learned everything I know from the streets... well that and my father when he was alive." Suddenly I had much more in common with him than ever before. "You have to be clever to survive down there... of course I don't need to tell you that, you've lived it too. This city may be all I know but I can point out every landmark and tell you every fact..." He points beyond far right towards the spires and to the opposite side towards the piers on the water. I hate it so much but I love it all too. With my family gone there's nothing to hold me here, and I've paid all my debts I've ever owed."

"Where do you want to go. Surely Paris isn't your final destination." He shrugs still looking over the city.

"It's a start. I'd love to get as far as I can. The States maybe... Anywhere I can be free I'll be content. What about you?"

"Paris is the only clue I have as to who I am, but if it turns out that there's nothing to that... that all it ever was, was a feeling... I don't know where I'd go..."

He puts his hands over mine now. "That won't happen. You'll find your way."

"Thanks Dimitriy.." He smiles quickly but then gets back to talking.

"You know my father used to bring me up here... before the revolution. We owned a shop in this building and we lived in the flat above it. It's where I met Vlad as well coincidentally. He was hiding." Dimitry pauses and laughs at the memory. He pauses and then continues with is family. "He used to put me on his shoulders... He died in a labor camp. My mother was already gone. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss him." I feel his pain and it's all too familiar.

"So neither of us has a family..."

He stops me in my tracks. "You... you don't know that yet. The answer is in Paris." Seeing his joy for me makes me feel nervous for the future.

"You know I'm not as strong as you think I am."

"You're stronger." He stops then as we catch each other's eyes again. "Close your eyes."

"What?" I ask taken aback. He starts to reach into his bag but stops short.

"Just do it." Annoyed I close them. "Okay now put your hands out." I do as he says giving in to him. I feel something cool placed into my hand. "Alright, now open them!" He says this excitedly as I do what he says. In my hands is a gorgeous gold piece. Seeing my fascination Dimitri speaks, "You've worked hard. You deserve it."

"It's beautiful." I say unable to take my eyes off of it.

"It's a music box." He says. I could see that it was, but it was special. There was a dark and tragic history behind it, I could tell that much. I lift it up to the moonlight trying to see the opening. "It's broken." Dimitri says. I shake my head finding the wind up underneath. I turn it until it's tight and then let go. It springs open and a beautiful melody starts to play. "How'd you do that?" he asks. His words don't register with me though. All of my focus is on the haunting beauty of the music I hold in my palms. I hear Dimitri trying to break through to me even reaching out a hand towards mine.

I take a step away towards the center of the empty roof as the melody fills my mind. I hum along and the words make their way back to me. The ghosts surround me, dancing in white. I imagine myself swirling around with them.

My trance is broken by my sudden realization of Dimitry's presence. He lightly puts his hand over the music box closing it. I take a step back in terror of my own reaction. "How'd you know the music?" He looks rather frightened, maybe as much as I must at the moment.

"I don't..." I shake my head. "I don't know, it just came to me." I try to have him take it back but he makes sure I posses it.

"It's another piece to your past... I'm glad I could give it to you." I take it and shove it into a deep side pocket.

"It's a piece to a puzzle we might never finish if we don't get a train." I glance up hoping he has good news on the subject. His face seems to say the opposite. "I know they're cancelling trains right and left, but here..." I fish in my pocket for all the money I'd gathered for this reason. I shove it into his hands. "It's not much, but every little bit helps."

He turns away from me just a little bit. "We're not even close."

"What are you saying?" I reach out to him trying to make him face me.

"I'm saying... I thought I could get us out before they closed the borders."

I'm suddenly feeling very betrayed. "You were the only hope that I had."

He tries to force the money back into my hands. "There must be someone here in this city that can help you."

"I don't want your money!" I say pushing him away.

"It's your money!" He insists.

With a softer tone I speak again, "It's our money." There's a moment where we're both silent. "I trusted you."

"I am sorry." he says. He turns his back once more unable to look at me. Suddenly I feel very foolish. My hand reaches for my diamond in my pocket.

"I didn't trust you enough." I grip the gem in my hand as he turns. "Now it's your turn to close your eyes."

He flays his arms out and looks at me like he did when we first met, like i'm crazy. "What for?"

"Dimitry you are the most stubborn person I have ever met, maybe even as stubborn as me. Now put your hand out." He does so.

The smallest bit of logic tells me to pull it back and to run, but my heart tells me to continue. With one breath I let it lay on his open palm. I slowly retract my hand. "Okay, open them."

"It's a diamond!" He says eyes wide.

"A nurse at the hospital found it sewn into my clothes at the hospital."

He holds it up to the light. "Your story continues to get more and more curious." He looks over to me and then realizes just what he's holding. "You had this the whole time and haven't told me or Vlad."

"Yes." I say sure of myself.

"Why?" There's no anger in his question, just curiosity.

"That is the only thing of value I have, without it i have nothing."

"How do you know that I won't take it right now and you'll never see it again."

The thought hadn't crossed my mind in the slightest but it does invoke a little bit of fear. "I don't think you will." I answer knowing it to be true, he was a man of his word. No matter his attitude or his history I believe that he wouldn't go back on his word or our newly formed friendship. Suddenly he's reached out to me with two arms and has swung me around. He then throws his arms around me in a tight hug. I take the moment to feel safe.

"Ahem." Dimitri lets go of me immediately. The interruption comes from the fire escape. I can just make out the bearded face of Vlad peaking over. Dimitri holds the diamond up to catch the light of the moon. "Mother of Moses..." His mouth drops open as he stares at it.

"She had it all along!" Dimitri proclaims as Vlad climbs onto the roof.

"I didn't trust either of you with it." I say making sure Vlad got the facts from me first.

"I don't blame you." He says finally getting both feet on the solid roof.

"Can I trust you to get the exit papers?" Dimitri asks holding the diamond out to his colleague.

Vlad has the biggest smile on his face as he answers, "I think I can manage." He delicately puts the gem into his breast pocket.

"There's an early morning train leaving from Midland station. It's escorting the Russian Ballet to Paris. If we have any shot at getting out it's on that train." He hadn't mentioned that earlier. Nonetheless I had not expected to be on a straight shot towards my future.

Vlad nods. "I'll go now." Before he heads back down he turns to me, "I'm glad you're alright Anya." I nod slightly not wanting to remember the moments in Gleb's office. "I will see you both early tomorrow."

It's just me and Dimitry again. "I suppose I should get back to my floor... before someone gets overly suspicious." I give Dimitri's shoulder a light squeeze in passing.

"Just be careful tonight." I face him when I reach the ladder.

"Only if you do the same." I smile and he smiles back.


	6. In The Dark Of The Night

The train whistle blows as I look behind me checking once again to see if anyone is in pursuit. Dimitry squeezes my arm. "Face forward and look confident. They won't question it."

Vlad confirms this to my right as we reach our platform. "This is a special train. Aristocrats, intellectuals, the ballet... Which we will members of." I'm handed a ticket with my fake id now.

"Vlad are you sure we have the right papers?" The question is important but my focus is on my own ticket. Anna Anderson, this woman exists somewhere. I silently thank her for letting me borrow her identity for a few days. When I look up from my ticket I'm face to face with a well dressed man. When I catch his eye he drops to a knee and grabs my hand. Dimitri is immediately at my side, but the man means me no harm.

"God bless you." He says as he kisses my hand and holds it to his cheek before quickly standing and departing us without any explanation. I'm stuck standing there in shock. Dimitri rests his hand on my shoulder and then Vlad speaks.

"I recognize that man." I hold my hands against my stomach, I think, that maybe, I do too. "Its the Count Ippolitov." The name resonated. "He's not just an aristocrat, he's an intellectual as well... he's a dead man on both counts." The train whistle blows it's final warning as we watch the man board.

For some reason I can't quite bring myself to fly aboard without saying a proper goodbye. I'm frozen terrified to leave. Suddenly Paris is the terrifying prospect and Russia holds the comfort. I start to breathe heavily fearing my sadness towards the place that had given me nothing but pain. I turn to Dimitry whom has been left by Vlad. "We should go Anya."

"How do I say goodbye?" I hadn't felt the tears until now, but they were real. I look around at all the people and look up at the tips of the buildings just visible through the glass roof. "How can I desert her?" I turn to him and see that he has just a bit of moisture in his eyes as well.

"This might have been our home years ago... Anya, this home is lost. It has been ever since they murdered those children in Yekaterinburg." I hadn't ever heard him speak so candidly. I stop my tears at once remembering everything I'd been through. It was true, I had no one here. The only two people I truly have are Dimitry and Vlad. And Paris. That sweet whisper stronger than ever in the back of my head. The whistle blows again and Dimitry holds out a hand, "We need to go." I pick up my bag in one hand and grab his with my other, thankful for the strength. Bless you Russia. I'll bless you forever.

Dimitry drags me in tow to the bench Vlad had procured for us. Everyone on board that we passed seemed to be a little distraught at the idea of leaving but we all know why we chose to be here, survival. Either way the silence around the car as we pull out of the station is unnerving. I lay my head against the window and try to imagine what my life in Russia had looked like before the war. As we reach a tunnel I look away from the windows, afraid of the darkness. It's now that I realize I'm still clutching Dimitry's hand. Embarrassed I take it away. "I'm sorry." I fold my hands in my lap, trying not to focus on the surrounding darkness as we get further through the tunnel. 

Noticing the tension Vlad tries to start some light conversation. "Now Anya, when you reach Paris, your first hurdle is going to be getting past my Lilly. Nobody gets to the Granduchess without going through her." Dimitry and I lean in and over.

"Your Lilly?" We say together.

"Mine at a time." He says with a smile. "Lilly was beautiful, voluptuous... married. Everything I look for in a woman." I hit his arm teasingly.

"Did you love her?" I ask finally finding my smile.

He tilts his head, "Madly darling."

"That's so sweet." 

"What happened?" Dimitry asks.

"Well... she left. Just like everything else from the old world." He leans forward now fantasizing. "I hope Lilly is happy to see me... Well let's be honest, how could she not be." He continues his conversation on women with Dimitry and I find the time to reach for my book from my bag. I can't help but focus on how my hands shake and my heart thunders in my chest. Get a grip! I tell myself, this is my one chance and I can't blow it. We've reached the end of the long tunnel and I feel that I can breath again. 

The rest of our day goes without incident. The people of our car keep to themselves as do we. I had found the time to wonder up and down the cars a bit, promising the boys I'd stay close. There were children on this ride and my heart yearns to know them, to know their stories, to know what their futures hold. 

The wandering and the reading takes me well past dinner, then I find my way back to our car. Dimitry has been left alone and it looks like he's been sleeping. I do my best not to disturb him but when I sit he's alert immediately. Being courteous to the others napping I whisper. "Sorry I didn't mean to wake you."

"I don't mind." He sits up and rubs his neck. "Any idea where we are?"

"I really don't have any clue." I say. "I've been daydreaming all day.'

"You tend to do that often..."

"It's how I keep my mind off of... Well everything... you have to have a way to cope." He opens his mouth to speak, but a frantic Vlad runs up to us. 

"What is it Vlad?"

It takes the man a moment to catch his breath, "Papers! They're collecting papers."

"And ours are good right?" I ask confirming what he said on the train platform.

He shakes his head and my spirits fall igniting the fear all over again. Dimitry notices and stops my shaking hands by putting his own over them. "How long until they get back here?"

"If they don't catch anyone before us it could be minutes. They're searching the Ippolitov car now..." The piercing sound of a gun shot sounds through the train car and I let out a scream. In a sweeping movement I drop myself to the floor throwing my hands over my head and let out instant sobs. I'm back in the striped room my family bleeds beside me as I lay in the corner under my oldest sister praying for mercy. Praying to be put out of my misery. The screaming pain from the bullet in my stomach is fresh and stinging. The smoke stings my eyes even as I clench them closed. The men speak quietly and then they come closer, I can hear their steps come closer.

"Anya?" A concerned voice cuts through the haze.

"Anya, you need to calm down." I'm rocking myself on the floor of a train car. I am not in a basement surrounded by my suffering family. Dimitry is at my side and I am safe, for the moment. I finally open my eyes and let him help me sit up. I'm still shaking. I clutch my stomach but the hole is merely scar now. "Anya it's okay. We'll be safe soon."

"That's what the soldiers said when they were pointing their guns at us." I don't know what's come over me. It's just the dream I'd had for years where I walked a hallway towards a room of light had finally been revealed to me. I really could be her. It added up, "They said they were taking us somewhere safe. Father was at my side, with Alexei in his lap. My sisters and my mother were praying..." Dimitry breaks through to me shaking me forcing me to look at him.

"You're taking this too far Anya."

"I am really her!" Now that I've said it I can't shake it. It was foolish of me to say such things, I let it go instantly getting a grip over myself. "I'm sorry. I just..." I shake my head searching for the words.

Dimitry steadies me. "It's alright. We're almost to the border. Once we're out of Russia, we'll be safe. Better?" He's calm with me now.

I nod my head. "Yes. Thank you." When I don't continue he tries to comfort me even more.

"When we get to Paris there won't be men like that to frighten you." The sentiment is nice, he had done his best the last two days to comfort me, keep me safe. He had however still not bought into the idea of who I am, or who I might be.

"Who do you think I am Dimitry?"

He looks over me carefully but then looks away. "I don't know." It hurts. He had put the ideas in my head in the first place that I could actually be her and now when the possibility seems to be more than that, he shys away from it.

"You keep putting ideas in my head and I'm beginning to think they might be true." I make myself stand up.

"Anya, I..." We're interrupted again by an out of breath Vlad for the second time.

"They're still hunting for people like us. We have white passports! They're taking everyone with white passports off the train and shooting them." The fear is put back in me but this time I'm ready to fight back. I grab my case from my feet and head straight for the rear of the train car. "Where are you going? The train just started moving again."

"I think this is our cue for an early exit. Don't you think boys?" I slide the door open and slide out into the cold night air. I toss my bag to the snow and the boys do the same. I watch my step climbing to the side of the car and before checking if the boys had followed I step out and jump as far from the moving train as I can. Instead of the fear crippling me this time it had made me use my flight response to its fullest potential. Two more shapes jump into the night a dozen feet ahead of me and we all three stay down until the entire train passes. When the sounds and the end lights have disappeared the boys make their way back towards me. They each grab a hand and pull me to my feet. 

"Quick thinking there Anya." Vlad speaks as if he had been the one who jumped into the night first.

"Well we've come this far, I didn't think any of us would want our trip cut short." We make our way back along the tracks towards our discarded baggage and once we reach it I think we're all at a loss for what to say.

"What do we do now?" 

"We walk." I say this as a fact I thought was known by all. I'd done it all before. Now that Paris was a country away it was closer than ever.

"Walk where?" This comes from Dimitri.

I look over my shoulder with a smile. "Germany."

"How do you know?" 

"We're in Poland." I point down the tracks towards a sign. "Well we're meters from it. We'll get some sort of transportation there. The people are war torn... they'll take a little money for any job." I say this with a little more annoyance. The war was a sore subject for everyone even now years after it had all settled.

I'd already walked across Russia, Poland couldn't be much worse.


	7. Journey To The Past

It's been weeks since we fled the train and Russia and now we are mere miles past the border of Belgium into France. To get across Germany we had had to barter and work our way across. Some people had been kind enough to help us but for the most part the war torn country was depressed and poor, I hated to see it, but of course we felt their pain.

We were now riding in the back of a fancy automobile down the French country side with a person who thinks we are merely fleeing the confines of Russia for a better life. It is relatively true but he doesn't need to know the details. He is wealthy and is headed for a small town outside of Paris. We met him along the road and with a little charm from Dimitri and persuasion from Vlad he took us on as passengers willingly. It has saved us a great deal of trouble and for that I'll be ever grateful to the old man. 

I remembered a time when I rode in a car, perhaps it was a dream, perhaps it was a conjuring of my wild imagination, but I remembered sitting in one waving out over a large crowd. The details of that day are hazy but I remember that it was hot and it was sunny. I look over to Dimitri whose looking at me intently. I smile, "What?" I ask slightly embarrassed he'd caught me daydreaming. 

"Nothing... I just... you're thinking."

"Yes." I nod. "I remember riding in a car when I was younger." The car hits a large bump in the road. "Though I think the ride was a little less bumpy then." The road was of course dirt, not the paved and bricked roads in Russian cities.

"I think it's fascinating." He says. I scoot closer to him urging him to continue. "I've ridden in cars before but never when I felt this free." I nod in total agreement.

The rest of the day was rather uneventful as we bumped along. Vlad told jokes, I looked out at the lives that we passed, and the old man sang us songs. By the the end of the day were all very comfortable with each other sharing stories and laughs.

The sun has started to set now coloring the sky a beautiful pink and purple color. The wide open spaces were just as I pictured it all, the sky vast and full of opportunities. I've barely noticed that our car has stopped when Dimitri has opened the door for me. I grab my bag and join Vlad and Dimitri at the driver's side. Through his goggles the old man points across a bridge and up a hill. "Paris." He nods his head and wiggles his finger. "Right over that hill." The boys are anxious and each thank him before taking off. Vlad sharing his past experiences of the city and Dimitri beaming.

I can't quite bring myself to follow them yet. Even as they call for me I can't leave the man's side. "What's the matter my dear?" He asks leaning over his car door.

"I've dreamed about this moment for so long. I just hope that it lives up to my ridiculous expectations." I laugh lightly reaching down for my bag. 

"The first step is always the hardest Anya, but once you see the greatness set in front of you it's easy. You seem to have good people around you keep them close and the journey will only become simpler." Dimitri calls my name from the crest of the hill. The old man tips driving cap. "I wish you the best in finding your freedom." 

Dimitri calls for me again. I quickly peck the gentleman on the cheek before turning quickly up the grassy hill. I force my feet to carry me one step at a time. I can feel myself resisting but my heart yearns to see the lights and my head hears the whisper now becoming a stronger one, "Paris." It says. "Paris." 

Finding my footing near the top Dimitri grabs hold of my elbow helping me up the steep crest. When I'm solid and I look out over the city below I'm almost brought to tears by the beauty by the relief.

Paris.


	8. The French Have It Down To An Art

Oh how it glimmers and glows. From up on the hill it looked like a blanket of stars and now from the perspective of the streets it looks even more promising. We have traveled into the heart of the city now just as the night has come to life. Thanks to Vlad's extensive knowlege and previous engagements in the city we were able to find a place owned by a previous friend who was all too kind to let us stay in his empty rooms for the night.

I must say that the place is a little overwhelming. I'd been given my own little room with a balcony. The boys, as far as I knew, had been given the rooms on either side of me. I drop my bag on the bed and head outside. Opening the French doors lets in all the sights of the Paris evening. Across the way there's a lovely dining hall, from which music and laughter flow out of. I grip at the iron rail wanting so desperatly to hop down and immediatly join in the fun, but I don't look all that tidy. I sigh. Tomorrow would be the start of something better. I turn back to my room all intentions to head straight to bed, the adventure of the city would have to wait. I've gone to pull out my night gown when I hear a tap on the door. I open it to find a young woman holding a bag, a bundle of fabrics, and of all things shoes. She comes in without explaining too much only saying that I was to meet Vlad and Dmitri downstairs in a moment. She goes right to work drawing me a hot bath in a tub and laying out the bundle that transformed into a beautiful gown when it was laid across the bed. She urges me to get in as she meticulously takes out the contents of her bag and strews them across the vanity next to the bed.

I'd couldn't remember the last time I felt clean. She'd left all sorts of soaps and shampoos for me on the floor next to the tub. I take my time in washing my hair and rinsing. I wait until the water has started to cool before I attempt at getting out. I put on the robe the woman left out for me which is softer than anything I'd ever felt in my life.

Once I'm out I'm coaxed to the vanity where my hair is dried and styled into the finger curls i'd seen worn by nearly every woman out on the street. She also messes with some powder on my cheeks and some lipstick. She was rather quiet, but sweet, and I must say that she's done a wonder on me. When she's satisfied she grabs my hands and pulls me to stand. She spins her hand urging me to twirl. When I do I see that she's beaming. Very happy that I was able to connect with this woman without speaking much I step into my shoes as she collects her things back into her bag. "Je vous remercie." I say thanking her as we part at my door. She smiles again. When she disappears around the corner I let out a breath. I'd been cautious to say anything. I need to let that go. I'm not in Russia anymore, this was France, there was no need for fear here.

I straighten up now heading down the stairs back into the lavish lobby I'd entered less than an hour ago. The boys are outside just beyond the open lobby doors with their backs turned from me. I smooth down my dress before strutting outside. "Well?" I ask.

The two boys turn to me also donning new suits. I'm looking down a little nervous so I don't see their immediate reactions but I hear Dmitri udder a 'wow'. When I look up he's offered me a flower which I take graciously and wrap my arm around his.

"Just a few gifts from an old acquaintance of mine." Vlad says before stepping out onto the street. Dmitri and I smirk at each other wondering just who that acquaintance could be before following him. The sun had completely dissipated and the streets had come to life. Couples walk arm in arm and there's entertainment at every corner. There's artists, dancers and musicians everywhere, being as loud and outgoing as they can. I beleive that both Dmitri and I are a little overwhelmed by it all but it's a good change for us.

We walk a little longer down the stone streets laughing and enjoying the moment before Vlad stops us short in front of a club. Much like the resteraunt across the street from the hotel this place's character radiates from the windows. Vlad suddenly breaks from us calling out the name of his lover. 

"She certainly looks the part doesn't she." Lily says approaching us. Her eyes are commanding and calculating but after a moment of looking me up and down she steps away. She seems convinced as leads us into the club. I let out a breath as I take Dmitri's arm. When we're seated with menus with words I'd never seen, Lily insists on ordering for us. I have no squabble with this as I would have had no clue what to order for myself.

the good food, the music and the champaign fills my evening with warmth and color. I find myself at ease with the culture and don't think I've stopped smiling since we entered the dining room. The boys were the same way. Dmitri was laughing and Vlad was infatuated with Lily, who was very entertaining to say the least. The dessert had come and gone just as the music was starting to pickup. I turn to watch the couples take to the floor.

The whirling couples takes me back to the day now in the palace where Dmitri and Vlad took turns flinging me around. We'd come far. I start to turn back to Dmitri to ask him if he wanted to dance for old times sake but a gentleman has approached me asking. I smile and nod politely. As he takes my hand I look back to Dmitri who's raised his glass to me. This takes me aback I keep my eyes on him pleading for him not to feel that way. I'd much rather sit with him, but as a Duchess dancing was always on the agenda. In the middle of the people as the song continues he bows and I curtsey just as I remembered doing before. As the man swings me around the room in rythym with the others my eyes keep finding Dmitri. He looks rather sad. He's sitting alone as both Lily and Vlad had found their way out onto the floor with me. After another pass the song ends. I curtsey again and when he bows and thanks me for the dance I find my way across the room in an instant in front of Dmitri. "I..." I begin. He looks up intently, but before I can continue with the words I don't have, Vlad claps me on the back. 

"Lily and I are going to duck out." Lily comes up beside him.

"Don't stay out too late my darlings, we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow." That's the only detail she can spare before she's grasped onto Vlad and careened for the door. I slowly turn back to Dmitri who still hasn't said a word.

"I think I might go for a walk, there's a... a bridge I want to see." He's suddenly become himself again springing up out of his chair.

"I'll walk you." I smile, glad the awkward moments of the evening hadn't completely scared him away. "If you'll let me." 

I smile. "Of course." He extends his arm to me once again with his boyish smile.

The life of the party drains away as we walk down the emptying Paris streets. The golds and shimmering life of the dresses and the club are transformed into deep purples and grays of the night in the city. Our walk is quiet but comfortable and I can't help but feel content walking by his side. I catch myself looking over at him often, studying the way he moves. As we approach the bridge he catches me looking at him. I laugh it off. "Sorry... you know how I get distracted." I look down rather embarrassed. He lifts up my chin and I'm stuck looking into his eyes. For a moment we're stuck in our own little moment, I think he might kiss me. He doesn't. He let's go.

"So this is the bridge?" He says turning away from me and taking a step onto the bridge itself and up to the railing. I shake off the encounter and step up next to him.

"Yes. Alexander's bridge." Saying the name out loud I suddenly feel very close to my family. "I always heard it, saw it... I don't know how to explain it. I just felt drawn to it in my dreams and now I suppose in my heart as well." Dmitri is silent so I take the time to walk the arch. It's beautiful, crested in gold and painted in a beautiful white. Closing my eyes I can feel the spirit of my family around me. My father and mother by my side shoulder to shoulder and my siblings all reaching for me. When I open my eyes I'm looking out at the water, the boats coming and going. The city's the lights gleam across the water causing a reflective illusion, each one holds a promise, a clue to my past. 

I'm not sure how long I've been pondering my life here along but now Dmitri joins me at my side, silent as I am. He stands next to me and stares out over the water as well. I'm grateful for the moment he let me have alone but his presence is actually comforting. "Anya?" I turn to him suddenly rather nervous. He can't bring himself to finish his thought. He doesn't speak just continues to look at me.

"What?" I ask tilting my head to the side genuinely worried now.

He shakes his head. "Nothing... I just... We should be heading back."

"Oh." I say. I slump a little bit I was hoping he might compliment me or reassure me of my identity, something to ease the eerie feeling that's come over me. We walk side by side not arm in arm, back to our rooms. He'd been so quiet and closed off tonight. It frightened me, thinking I might loose him before I have to. 

As we finish the trek to my room he doesn't even stop to say goodnight. He continues to walk past me to his own room. "I'm not going to loose you am I?" I ask from my doorway.

He turns back to me. "What?" He asks.

"If I am her and she accepts me as the Duchess, I don't want you to just walk out of my life like we never knew each other."

"That was the original plan wasn't it?"

That stings. "I don't know where tomorrow will take me or if I'll ever find out who I really am, but I know you Dmitri and I feel safe when I'm around you. I never had anyone to trust before I met you and Vlad and I don't want that taken away from me if life changes again, I don't think I could bear that." 

He doesn't approach me but he does answer, "You won't loose me." It's all he says before turning back his room. It's not much to reassure me but I trust him to keep his word.

I turn to my own room, uneasy. The queasy feeling only grows stronger as I let my hair down and wash my face free of makeup. Looking into the mirror I feel someone is watching me. It's just nerves. I tell myself. Climbing into bed I try to fall asleep against the tide of horrifying thoughts and fits of nervousness.


	9. In A Crowd Of Thousands

There they are again. My sister's by my side, the long hallway with the light under the door. Pushing it open I'm suddenly alone. I stand in my gown in a large ball room. My family dressed in white whirling around me.

"We're going to die, you'll join us soon." I look down at the young boy pulling on my dress. He steps away and then my sisters adorn me with necklaces and twirl me around them. The oldest dabs oil on my wrist and kisses my cheeks. She steps back holding my hands as long as she can before my parents take her place. I dip low in my father's presence he just stands there looking over me.

"Say your prayers my darling, you'll need them in the upcoming days." This comes from my mother who doesn't reach for me just stands there regally. My father then takes my hands in his bowing and then touching my cheek before turning away. I reach out for him but then the scene changes and I'm in a room looking at them. 

The shots ring out from beside me. I close my eyes only to see their beautiful faces. When I open them they're laying on the floor, the smoke fills the room. The voices and the screams fill my head. "Papa?!" I scream trying to find comfort. This brings me to the present. I open my eyes to my own room. I kick the blankets off of me and jump into the coolness of my room. I'm breathing heavily and I can't focus. Their voices continue to fill my mind. I touch my cheeks and find them wet with tears.

"Anya?!" Dmitri runs into my room. 

I turn to him tears clouding my vision. "The voices... they... they keep coming back." I say gripping a bed post. I very nearly collapse in myself as the voices keep clouding my head.

"That's all they are." Dmitri rushes towards me arms outstretched. He stops before he reaches me "Anya you've had a nightmare."

I reach out to him frantically. "Please stay with me Dmitri." He reluctantly grips my hand and helps me sit on my bed. "I'm frightened." He sits with me waiting for me to calm down. It takes me a moment to compose myself, as I try to sort out all that I saw and all I was told.

"Better?" He asks. I look over at him. There is concern in eyes and for the first time since we arrived in Paris I feel at ease with him, like I could ask him anything.

I position my body towards him before answering. "Who do you think I am Dmitri?"

"If I were the Dowager Empress I would want you to be Anastasia." He says assured of himself. He hadn't answered my question.

"You would?" I ask.

"I would want her to be a beautiful, strong and intelligent woman." He says wiping the tears off my cheeks. 

"Is that what you think I am?" I ask staying strong wanting him to answer.

"It's what you've become." He says nodding his head.

"Thank you." I say trying to give him a smile.

"You're welcome." He says smiling back.

"You really think I might be her?" I need the answer, I need to be sure.

"I want to believe you were the little girl I saw those many years ago." He says, this time with a reminiscing smile.

"I don't understand."

He stands up and begins to pace, recalling his story. "It was a June day. I was 10 years old. The royal family was being paraded through the St. Petersburg streets and I remember there being a crowd. Thousands of people lined the road to get a glimpse..." He waves his outstretched hand painting the picture for me. It's helping me to smile and imagine the scene in my head.

"What was she like?"

"She sat straight as her mother and older sisters. She was only eight at the time but she was so proud to be up there with her family. Everyone was cheering and I was just so enamored by it all." 

"It's a nice memory."

"That's not all." He begins, " I ran alongside them, behind the guards. I was calling out her name. Somehow she heard me above all the screaming of the crowd because when I looked up she smiled at me. That gorgeous smile caused me to stop in my tracks and then she was gone with the parade... Sometimes I wish I could go back and warn her, warn them."

"Don't say that, no one could've possibly known where the world was headed."

He shrugs. "I know, it's just, it's something that I think about fairly often and I hate that it's overshadowed by what happened."

"If it makes you feel any better you've truly made me feel better. I mean I feel as if I were right there with you."

He laughs. "Well maybe you were. Make it a part of your story." I take the challenge. I stand up taking his place and he taking mine. I walk to the windows over looking the now quiet cafe across the street.

I start by stating what he'd already said, "There was a parade on a hot June day. It was lovely not a single cloud in the sky. I was looking out over the thousands of people. It was all so loud and distracting, but a boy caught my eye. He was thin, not all that clean..." I stop and look out of the corner of my eye to see Dmitri's reaction, but he's just laughed it off. Seeing his smile posses me and I suddenly feel as if I'm in one of my trances, everything is so clear now. "Guards lined the street but he ran in between them. He called out my name and started running through the heat and the crowd... I tried not to smile but I couldn't help myself. I smiled... And then he bowed." I could see it as it happened. I whirl around to Dmitri praying he'll confirm my claim. He's jumped off the bed.

"I didn't tell you that."

I hold a hand to my heart and try to see more. "You didn't have to. I remember!" He's struggling to find his words but mine come naturally as I recall the moment. "We traveled on..." I take a step towards him. "I blinked and then you'd disappeared into the crowd again." I feel happy. For the first time since loosing my memory I finally feel found. "I'm her. I really am." I fight the tears of joy as I launch myself into Dmitri's arms. He swings me around once and holds me tightly. "Somehow I knew. I don't know how but I knew I'd find you again." He's awfully silent so I pull from his embrace slightly. He looks into my eyes and then steps back suddenly. He drops to one knee and bows his head.

"Your highness." He says.

I'm left looking down at him not sure what to say or what to do. The timing of this, oh the timing. Our relationship had already turned rocky since we'd arrived and now I fear it might be coming to an end. I gently drop down to him and then he finally faces me. "You can't do that. Not tonight." He seems confused and even a little sad. "Tonight I need Dmitri, my friend, not my subject." He nods. We help each other stand.

Our hands are still linked as he finds his words, "Anya... I..." He pauses and shifts his tone dramatically, "I'm happy for you."

"Oh." I say disappointed letting go of his hands.

"What do you want from me Anya?"

"To say how you feel." I say letting my emotions and feelings slip.

"You can't expect me too, not now." He's right. 

"Things are going to change for both of us now. I don't know if I can go through it all alone... I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm not ready to say goodbye yet."

He lets his emotions drop as well, "I wouldn't dream of leaving you to face this by yourself, I couldn't do that." He reaches behind my ear running a hand through a strand of hair. "But after tomorrow, when you're introduced to the world, we can't... it wouldn't work." 

I nod. "I know." Saying it, I now know it to be true. He embraces me again but there's no passion here, just an act of reassurance.

"You should try to get some sleep." He says pulling away. "Tomorrow..."

"Tomorrow I become Anastasia, and say hello to my new life." I say rather coldly. Where there's usually a spark in his eye now there's sadness. He nods slowly before very gently kissing me on the forehead. He doesn't look at me nor does he speak as he turns to my door and leaves me alone barely breathing.

I'm alone, once again, in a new life I'd never thought I'd get. I sit back against my bed, a million thoughts running through my head. I feel sick to my stomach worried about tomorrow, worried about Dmitri and how I could possibly leave things with him. We still had tomorrow, it would have to be enough.


	10. Love Is Not What Revolution's For

I haven't seen Dmitri or Vlad all day on account that I'd been accompanied by Lily to nearly every shop and boutique in this city throughout the morning and afternoon. I have grown quite fond of her and quirky ways. She truly believed in me and wanted me to have everything... and by everything I mean everything. She'd bought me an entirely new wardrobe including a stunning new blue gown, gloves and pearls for the ballet this evening.

I rest my arm against the car window looking out at the remnants of the rain storm that was starting to dissipate. I had hardly been able to spare any thoughts beside those of the night before. Dmitri's words have haunted me since the moment he'd spoken them. They were true, that was why they bothered me so much. I'm so very anxious to speak with him again but I miss him, I want him by my side when I go in to meet the Dowager. I believed that he would stay by my side until everything was settled, he'd kept his word this far, surely he could keep it for one more night. I sigh as we pull up to Lily's house. I'm helped out of the car, an umbrella is held above me as I'm escorted up the steps. Her home was quite lovely and while it definitely belongs in Paris there are little relics of Russia here and there.

I'm caught looking at a beautiful porcelain doll sitting tucked away in a little corner.

"It was Maria's when she was a girl." I turn to find Lily. "I took it before I left when the family was... when you were being moved to Yekaterinburg. A lot of us fled the country that day." I look away. The memory of that day was hazy but it was there, I don't want to remember that time anyway. I leave the doll behind not wanting to disturb the memories of my sisters. I make my way to my makeshift room where I take another hot bath and wash my hair once more. I'm sat down as a team of people surround me pinning up my hair and painting my nails.

It's a long process and by the time they're done with my makeup and hair it's nearly dark. They've all gone away leaving me to put on my dress. It's the purest blue fabric I'd ever seen and the embellishments gave it the most beautiful shine. I pick it up studying the detail on the bodice. There was no turning back after this. I am ready. I let out a long breath before stepping into it. Moments after its on the woman have returned with jewelry and gloves. They zip it tightly and then come the earrings and the pearl necklace. The gloves come last and then they turn me to the mirror. I look like a completely different person, a duchess. I hold my head a little higher as those around me ooh and ah. Lily enters the room next she clasps her hands together. "You really are her." She saunters to me and holds my hands. The look was indeed persuasive. "My dear girl." One hand finds my cheek. "My dear Anastasia, just look at you. Your sisters would have adored this." Her comment nearly makes me tear up. Their faces had become clearer since the nightmare. I nod to Lily kindly before she steps away and holds an arm out towards the door. We walk together down the stairs and out into the cool evening. 

The car ride is uneventful but the streets are once again full of life. The theater is glowing with light and beautiful dresses, and suddenly the refuge of the car is cold compared to the uncertainty of the ballet.

Before I know it the car door has opened and I'm helped to the base of the stairs. Vlad meets us there and takes Lily's arm giving me a smile. I look behind him hoping to see Dmitri but he's no where to be seen. Vlad saw this little look. "He's up there." He nods his head up to the landing that broke the flight of stairs in half. I dip regally before climbing up the stairs as quick as I can.

As I reach the top step I can see that he's on his knee tying his shoe. I take the moment to walk up in front of him because I don't have any words come to mind for him. He pauses as I stop. He looks up slowly and I clamp my mouth shut waiting for his reaction. We're caught in the moment, he continues to look up at me mouth agape and I at him wanting him to speak. he hops up suddenly and offers me his arm. I take it gracefully and can't hide my smile. I notice all the eyes on me very quickly as Dmitri escorts me up the stairs to the theater and then up the grand stairway to our balcony seats. As we take our seats I look out over the stage as well as the large crowd searching for the Dowager's face.

As the light lowers and the music swells I catch a glimpse of her in the balcony across from us. I reach out to my side gripping Dmitri's arm. He reacts immediately, thinking something might be wrong. I silently point towards the opposite side of the auditorium. He gently takes my hand in his and holds it there as the ballerinas take their places. I instantly relax, turning to watch the beauty of the Russian ballet. I should relax and enjoy these fleeting moments, but how can I now that my past and future are so near.

It's difficult to focus on the whirling of the dancers when she's sitting right there, all my answers, everything I was and could be. Dmitri must've notice my wandering eyes because he leans in, "It's going to be alright." He gives my hand a light kiss and a squeeze. I take a deep breath, he's right it will be. I will either be accepted as Anastasia or I won't I will find a way to live on no matter what happens. He's still holding my hand as the lights go up, even as the people around us stand to applaud. He turns to me once more. "Are you ready?"

"Yes." I say without hesitation. Standing with him we exit onto the top floor. There's a beautiful view over the railing out at the people below. Dmitri continues on a few steps to Vlad and Lily as I take in the beautiful view over all the attendees. It takes away all my nerves, looking down over the smiling people. I scan the rows admiring the dresses. They rest on a corner where a man looks up. He holds my gaze as I grip the railing in front of me tight. Gleb. I reach behind me flailing my arm trying to catch Dmitri. I turn back just for a moment calling him and tugging his shirt sleeve. Looking back over the crowd I've lost him. It could have been my imagination.

"What is it?" He asks me stepping next to me also looking down over the people.

"Nothing... I just thought I saw... Nevermind." I turn away trying to focus on the task ahead of me. Dmitri catches my hand and puts a hand up to my face. I know he's trying to get me to tell him what I saw but I hold my mouth closed for fear I might let out more than I mean to.

He caresses my cheek and nods. "You are Anastasia. You are." I take his hand away from my cheek and then hold it against his cheek just for a moment. Scared to look into his eyes I look to the floor and turn towards the door to the Dowager's box. I let go of Dmitri and then look up holding myself regally. 

I take a deep breath, hold up my skirt and then enter the room. I wait just behind the curtain and listen to Lily who is frantically trying to persuade the Dowager to just take one look at me. My smile slowly begins to fade as the arguing between the two continues. "Tell them all that I know their kind too well! When will this torture end Lily? Why did I even try?" Lily looks back and sees that I've entered and gives me a sad look but the Dowager does not even care to shift. In a panic I turn and run out the door. The humiliation, the dishonest lies i've been living.

The tears of frustration and embarrassment start to flow as I exit back into the main hall. Dmitri has his back to me pacing back and forth. When he turns he sees me and suddenly I feel rage towards him.

"What happened?" He asks rushing to my side.

"She wouldn't even look at me... 'Tell this imposter Lily that I know her kind too well, she wants money and to break an old woman's heart to get it.'"

"I'll tell her the truth." He says sensing his own fate coming. He starts for the door but I hold out a hand to stop him.

"What that I'm a pawn in this scheme of yours? That you made me think I might be someone I never was or ever could be? I was cold, and hungry, and desperate when I first met you Dmitri, but I wasn't dishonest." Once the words are out I regret them, but what else is there left to say but the truth. Just another girl to be lost to his charm, perhaps that was what happened to Natasha. "I hate you for that!" I say. More things I didn't mean to say.

"Anya." He says trying to reach for my hands. I shove him away swiftly.

"No." I say. "I can't do this anymore." I shove him once more before wiping the tears and running down the stairs as fast as I can. He doesn't make another attempt to stop me.


	11. Meant To Be

"Anya... Where will you go?" Vlad asks from my side while Dmitri hangs his head off in a corner in the same room we'd shared a moment a mere night ago. 

"It doesn't matter it was my life you played with. telling me I was someone else. Letting me believe I was." I toss two dresses I'd brought with me into my bag and then turn to the vanity. I let my hair fall into a braid tossing the expensive pins across the top. I had been living a lie, the nice things suddenly made me repulsed. Turning back to my bed I pick up a beautiful shawl that's been laid across the covers. "What's this?" I ask turning to the boys clutching it tightly.

"I bought it for you." Dmitry says sadly. I hate seeing him hurt. I soften for a moment before tossing it back at him.

"I won't have anymore charity from anyone here, not you or Lily... or anyone." There is one thing I've known for certain for a very long time, and that was that I could take care of myself.

"Where are you going?" This time it's Dmitry asking the question, he's no longer sad. He's now red from anger stepping from the shadows.

"Anywhere but here!" I says storming towards the door. They deserved an explanation, no matter how rigid. I stop and turn back to the two of them. "You thought I'd take money from that poor old woman? Her life has been nothing but pain and suffering since her family was murdered, is that not her punishment without me torturing her further?"

"Anya..." The hurt in Dmitry's voice has returned. I freeze when he gently grabs my arm. He's caught my eye. I'd dreamed all day of having in my life, I have that opportunity now... I rip my arm from his grasp. How could I welcome him after this game he'd played with me for weeks upon weeks. He pulls out the music box sets it on the table beside the bed and without another word he turns and leaves the room. 

Suddenly my outburst feels foolish. I was either Anastasia or I wasn't. I feel myself step backward and fall upon the bed. I stare at the music box, I had felt a connection to it, a connection to many many things on this journey, I couldn't just ignore that. I turn to Vlad now, panicking, at a loss for words. "I don't want to lose to him." Is all I can muster. He rests a hand on my shoulder.

"I'll speak with him... Just promise you'll still be here when we return. We're all in this together now, Anya." I nod slowly turning towards the window at the lights gleaming in the dying sun.

There's footsteps. I turn ready to pour my heart out. "Your Imperial Highness." I gasp out jumping to my feet at the sight of her.

"I believe history demands we play this game till the end." She says, standing royally straight, clutching her cane in front of her.

"Please be seated." I say pulling the divan away from the foot of my bed. 

"There's no need." She says, holding up a hand. "I shall be brief. Who are you?"

I take a deep breath. "I believe I am the youngest daughter-"

"Oh, spare me my family history! It's in every bookstore along the Seine. And anyone can read it." She says crossing in front of me.

"I didn't think you'd be so cruel." Retrieving some of my ill emotions from earlier. 

"I'm old and impatient. Kindness has become a luxury." She says turning back to face me.

"My Nana was the most loving woman imaginable..." I say sitting upon the divan without permission.

"That was before they murdered everyone she loved." The Dowager sits beside me now, a soft side becoming visible. 

Suddenly I feel a very strong emotion, something I can't ignore. "Her bosom smelled like oranges when she hugged me." I recall it now, the last night she hugged me, gave me the music box. I eye the glorious thing on the table and think of Dimitry.

"It's a common enough scent." She answers, drawing me away from the past. She studies me for a moment. "Who was my favorite lady-in-waiting?"

"You didn't have one... you kept dismissing them all." I don't know where the answer came from, but when it comes out I know it to be the truth.

"That was a trick question; you're clever, I'll grant you that." She studies me harder, squinting her tired eyes. "I'm trying to see the resemblance," She explains. "I don't trust my eyes." I smile softly remembering how sharp her sight had been years ago. She would always point out the smallest of things on my clothing and even with father and mother.

"Name the three-" Se begins.

"Why don't you want me to be her?" I ask catching her gaze. 

"I have found solace in my bitterness. It doesn't disappoint me. You Anastasias disappoint always do."

"If you give me a chance, maybe I won't." I sit up taller suddenly ready to take on the rest of her questions.

The Dowager smiles, "I don't believe Anastasia exists. " My face drops. 

"You don't want to believe it." I say looking down.

"What was your mother's full title as empress of all Russia?"

"Are we beyond these trivial questions?" I ask annoyed and particular touchy thinking back to my mother's endearment.

"Her Imperial Majesty the Empress of all thou Russia-"

"She was Mamma to me." I say standing.

She continues on with the right answer, "Alexandra middle name-"

"She was Mamma to all of us!" I say feeling the tears line my eyes.

The Dowager rolls her eyes. "You all cry at some point. Do you rehearse? Tears will get you nowhere."

"Why did you come here?" I ask through the tears.

"Your young man told me you were not part of his scheme." My stomach drops at the mention of Dimitry.

"He's right, I wasn't." I let my weight fall as I'm inclined to sit back down upon the couch.

"He thinks you very well might be my granddaughter. He says you've come to believe it yourself."

"I believe it with all my heart. But I can't be her unless you recognize me."

"You can't be anyone unless you first recognize yourself."

Her words ring deep within me. "I know."

The Dowager waits a moment before continuing. "Do you know what it means to lose everything, young woman-my son, his children. Everything I loved and held dear with all my heart, all lost and gone in one terrible moment; and for what? The good of Russia? " She shakes her head and looks down. Then forward. "I'll ask you one last time, be very careful what you answer. Who are you?!"

"I don't know anymore. Who are you?" I truly don't know who I am to this woman, but I do know who I am to the man outside, who I hope is right outside.

"An old woman, who remembers everything the way it should have been and nothing the way it was. I am unreliable; I am a historian of the heart." She stops. "I want this fearful journey to be over!"

MInd still on Dimitry I turn to the music box, "Do you remember the last time you saw Anastasia?"

She answers with distraught. "I didn't know it was the last time! We never do. We never know which goodbye is the last.

"You were leaving for Paris. You never came back. You gave her a music box." I move to the table and take it into my hand. I wait a moment before returning. I kneel down in front of the old woman. "I believe this was it." I open it and the haunting music begins a again, sending me through time. She looks at me and then halfway through she begins to hum along. Soon we are in unison.

When the music stops with a click I move back up and sit beside her. I grab her cold hands in mine. "I said I'd come visit you in Paris. We'd go to the ballet together, and walk on grandpapa's bridge."

"You never knew him. I loved him very much." She says closing her hands over mine and the music box.

"We'll walk the bridge together. For all of them, Nana." I can feel tears returning, but not out of frustration, this time from joy.

"Too late. You've come too late." She says shaking her head.

"It's never too late to come home, Nana." I say angling my head so I can see her face on her hanging head.

"Anastasia!" She calls out. She embraces me, pulling me close.

"Orange blossoms!" I call out.


	12. Find A Way Anastasia

I was rushed to my grandmother's residence late last night. The rumors had already spread throughout the city that Anastasia was present. I'd seen Dimitry only once in passing. He was with Vlad in the entrance and I was sided by security and a few new dressers. I wanted so desperately to reach out to him and apologize, for everything, but I had been rushed along.

Now I sit at my mirror contemplating my future. Have I made the right decision. My door opens in my mirror I can see Nana. I hide my sadness and give her a huge smile. Coming up behind me she sets a crown upon my head. I let my façade fall. Nana notices right away. Moving from behind me she slides onto the bench beside me. She holds my hands in her own. "Press and fellow Russians are all going to take a look at you and ask some questions." I nod. It was all happening so fast, too fast. There's no time to think about it now. I allow Nana to take my arm and lead me towards my bedroom door. All that matters is that we are together now. I find my smile and put it on as we make our way through the palace and down the grand stairs. 

In the foyer are Vlad and Lily. I strain to see if Dimitry is among them but he is not. A photographer awaits instead. Lily smiles to us and introduces her friend as she ushers us into the throne room. It's a sweeping room fringed in gold and a soft pink. It reminds me of home. A few photos are flashed a few smiling, a few regal ones. When the photographer is satisfied with his work he bids us farewell. Nana leaves my side and greets Lily and Vlad reminiscing about the past. I have nothing to say on this matter so I retain my spot on the throne Nana had sat in moments before. My mind wanders back to it's saddened state. Everything melds together, the good, the bad, all of it. 

When I find myself in my present state again Vlad and Lily have left. Nana stands and studies me. "Now where is your young man?" She begins.

"He's not my young man." I say. It was the truth, Dimitry doesn't belong to anyone, he never did and he never will.

"It's not plain to you that he loves you?" I find her eyes now. It was plain that I loved him, but it was clear that he could not bring himself to be that for me. 

"He is not my young man, Nana." She seems surprised by this.

"When he refused the reward for finding you, I thought, Anastasia has found herself another kind of prince. One of character, not birth." 

My heart stops. "Dimitry refused the reward?

"You are Anastasia. He said that was his reward." She pauses a moment. "You have made this the happiest day of my life, Anastasia. Make sure it will be yours as well, Anya." She caresses my cheek with a gloved hand. "We will always have each other no matter what you decide." She kisses me on the forehead before turning to leave. I'm left alone, in a large room. Looking around I realize that this would be my life, no adventure, loneliness. I get up and start for the door. I stop. If I left there would be no hope for those in Russia. The Romanoffs would truly be gone. But even if I did stay, would I even dare to claim Russia, put my people through another war, one we would not win. The history in the room is suddenly overwhelming. I reach for the door handle. Putting my ear against the ancient wood I listen out. Everyone is laughing, engaging in conversation. I step away from the door and turn to the back. I follow a long hallway until I make my way back to the main part of the house. I can hear the festivities echoing, the sounds follow me until I've escaped through the back door. 

It's cold outside, but nothing compared to what I've been through. To truly understand what I want to do there is only one place where I can do that for myself. That place is only a few blocks away. My grandfather's bridge comes into view as I think through my options. Seeing it again causes my mind to whirl. I can feel them all here with me. Reaching the railing I feel my skirts blow against the back of my legs. The sun was starting to set, the lights returning to their glistening state over the river. I close my eyes and just let everything wash over me.

If I returned to join Nana there would be no turning back, my life would change and Dimitry would not be in it. I would be a beacon against the Communist regime, but who's to say I or anyone I grew close to would ever be safe, or that it would ever come to mean anything. If I continued on, fleeing after Dimitry... I'd be betraying my country, Natasha, everyone that believed in my father and the monarchy. And yet if I found him I would be happy.

I should be glad I'm where I should be. Nothing is what it was before. I'd found out who I was, Anastasia yes, but Anya is as much a part of me as she is. Anya wishes for a life of adventure with with one I care about. Anastasia wished to be a beacon of hope for her nation and love from her Nana. It all depends on who I believe myself to be, I would win one and lose the other. 

Looking up to the sky I close my eyes and call upon my ghosts. A cold breeze blows over me giving me goosebumps. Opening my eyes I find the answer within myself. Turning away from the railing I'm ready to take on my decision, but I'm stopped dead in my tracks. "Gleb." I gasp, my words gone.

"I let you go. Anya, this is how you repay me? This game we've been playing... It ends today. Paris is no place for a good and loyal Russian."

My stomach is in knots. "We are both good and loyal Russians." I say stepping until my back is against the railing.

"I've only come to take you home."

"My home is here now." I retort. I try to step by him, knowing it won't work. 

He yanks on my upper arm hard. I try to pull away but he only holds tighter. "I beg of you. Stop playing this game. I can't let you leave."

"We both know this isn't a game, Gleb.

He lets go. Looking around, it seems that no one is in sight of us. "If you really are Anastasia, do you think history wants you to have lived?"

It was a genuine question and one I had not thought of. "Yes." I answer after a moment of thinking. "Why don't you?"

"The Romanovs were given everything and gave back nothing in return. Until the Russian people rose up and destroyed them."

"All but one." I say stepping to him. "Finish it then. FInish your mission! I am my father's daughter!"

"And I am my father's son!" He draws a gun from his coat pocket. It startles me so I take a step away from him. 

"Finish it? Finish it I must." He raises the gun to me.

It makes sense now. "Your father?"

"He never spoke about it. He was shamed." The soft resentment in his voice tells me he truly doesn't want to do this.

"In me you see them, look at their faces in mine. Hear their screams, imagine their terror, see their blood!" I yell stepping towards him. The toil within him will either break him into shooting me dead or collapse in agony at his own will.

"It was vital to the state of Russia. A proud task."

"Do it!" I say pulling the barrel of the gun to my chest. " Do it and I will be with my parents and my brother and sisters in that cellar in Yekaterinburg all over again!"

"It was necessary Anya."

"I was a child!" I say suddenly not aiming for my own safety but for the memory of my siblings. "My sisters, my brother... They were children!"

Gleb shakes his head and grips his gun. 

"He did what he did for Russia!"

"Is that not what I am doing?" I scream.

"I have to do this, for my father, for Russia. There is no room for false hope."

"It isn't a false hope." I say pleading.

"For the last time! Who are you?!" He says pushing me tighter against the railing.

"I am..." I gently push him back as he lowers the gun for my answer. "The Grand Duchess Anastasia Nikolaevna Romanov!" 

He turns away for a moment. For a brief second I think he might leave me be, but I am wrong. "I can't let you do this." He raised the gun again this time pointed at my head." I stand tall ready to face my fate as my family had. 

"Anya!" The yell comes from the left bank. Dimitry sprints towards me, or rather towards Gleb. I hold out my hands begging him to stop. Seeing the gun he slides to a stop. Panicked he puts his hands up signaling a momentary surrender. "Don't do this." He says looking frantically from Gleb to me. I can't help but believe that message is meant for me. I look to him nearly brought to tears. To see him again, hear his voice, I didn't know if I would.

"I must. I have to finish what my father started."

"You know I had a father too." I look to Dimitry and remember that night high up in St. Petersburg talking about his upbringing. His father had died fighting for my family, I did not want that to be a continuing trend. Dimitry shakes his head slightly at me as I make a motion to move to him. 

In a sudden movement Gleb has turned his gun on Dimitry. I scream and jump to Dimitry's side. "Stop this!" I scream. Dimitry grasps my hand and steps in front of me, shielding me. 

Gleb stands at attention ready to shoot. He waits. He can't do it. He drops the gun and then drops to his knees. Dimitry and I let out a collective breath. "I can't." He says.

Gleb has kneeled before me. I squeeze Dimitry's hand before timidly kneeling next to Gleb. I gently rest my hand on his head. "I mean you no harm, Gleb." He finds my hand still not finding my eyes.

"I believe you are Anastasia." He says plainly.

"What will you tell them?" I ask softly.

He finally looks up to meet my eyes. "That I was not my father's son after all." I step away from him as he picks up his gun and puts it away. When he finally stands he lends a hand. I take it and he shakes it gracefully. "Long life, comrade." He says kissing my knuckles before turning from the both of us. 

I watch him go. In another life where I hadn't discovered my way in St. Petersburg I would've found my way in life through him. I turn away from that grey dream and turn to the brightness. He's frozen in place. "Dimitry I..." He takes the two steps to me in stride and throws his arms around me. I close my eyes and hug him tight knowing I'm safe here. When he pulls away he holds my face. 

"You're alright?" He asks. I nod unsure of what to say, still rather shocked at the events. He embraces me again one hand behind my neck the other across my back. 

"Why'd you come back?" I ask.

"I wasn't ready to say goodbye." He says pulling away again. "I nearly did... I had one foot on the platform the other on the train." I nod in understanding. "I changed my mind and was headed back to the house and I saw you and Gleb... At first I didn't know what to think, but then I saw the gun... and..." I rest a hand on his chest.

I look up and we lock eyes. Nothing else matters now. He pulls me to him and he rests his lips on mine. He pulls me up slowly and we're locked in a tight embrace as the emotions and tension of the past weeks all converge in on one moment. 

"I can't be in love with someone I can't have." The words are all I need to hear. Knowing the certainty of having him if I choose to go away with him. 

"You do have me." I say. "All of me." I nod confirming it even for myself. Anya was a bigger part of me than Anastasia could ever be. Russia is no longer my home, I know that I love Dimitry, and my Nana will forever be my family. Dimitry smiles and holds me tight. I grasp his arm and rest my head on his shoulder as we make our way off the bridge towards our future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading my novelization of Anastasia! I loved putting my own spin on this tragic and haunting story. I recently was able to see the broadway show in Kansas City and it was absolutely gorgeous. Even as it closes on Broadway I know the show will live on breathlessly throughout the tour and international version. Not to mention that Anastasia is now an official Disney princess.
> 
> I adore the history, the films and the broadway show so much that I felt it was an honor to do this as sort of a tribute to the story itself!
> 
> This novel is now completed I do hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> Be sure to check out some of my other works!  
> Thanks ya'll!


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